been musing on the phenomenon of the human pufferfish lately… aka ppl who, because of some deep seated insecurity or other, ‘inflate’ themselves in order to appear somehow more superior than they really are or than they feel they are… all because they are afraid of looking ’small’, wanting to impress other fish and / [...]
Archive for the ‘society’ Category
human pufferfish
Posted in friendship, general, questions, relationships, society, tagged art, Asperger's, friendship, help, honesty, life, music, perspective, pride, relationships on November 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
01 nov 2009 – layers
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, courage, deceit, emotion, friend, friendship, honesty, lie, pain, relationships, resolution, strength, tired, truth on November 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
sometimes i do indeed detest being me – those are times when i love too deep, fall too hard, break apart, struggle with physical handicaps etc… i do not really want the fragility do i? why? because i see that the world seems to belong to the strong, hardhearted and shallow…
but other times, when i [...]
31 oct 2009 – a different beat
Posted in dichotomy, family, friendship, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, dance, emotion, friend, friendship, honesty, lie, life, love, man, relationships, support, truth, woman on October 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
“she probably thinks you are insane”… “she has disappeared because of what u said to her”… small little hints, and by now, i ‘understand’ human communication enough to pick up from these words a message of blame… that being different so markedly is somehow deemed ‘wrong’… and that telling the truth to people whom i [...]
29 sep 2009 – goldfish
Posted in dichotomy, family, fragility, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, death, fear, goldfish, helpless, hopeless, misunderstand, pain, shock, silent scream, understanding on September 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
a startled goldfish… a silent scream… dry hot tears streaming from nowhere… just a terrible terrible shock reaction… rush of fear into the brain… a practical joke gone wrong… someone thinking it wld be fun to knock on my window in the middle of the night to say hello?… my heart now can’t stop thumping [...]
old habits die hard
Posted in dichotomy, friendship, general, hope, life & death, love, relationships, society, tagged art, beauty, child, creativity, deceit, friend, friendship, heartbreak, help, honesty, lie, life, love, man, music, relationships, truth, woman on September 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
heard he’s been trawling facebook for women… unlike some who search at random, he is a well known figure who attracts willing ‘fans’ through various groups dedicated to him and his work… willing (but many uninformed) flies to the fire for sure… if u were a young (or even not so young) woman who loves [...]
26 sep 2009 – tomorrow already
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, fatigue, headache, help, life, love, old age, perspective, suffering, support, tired on September 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it’s tomorrow already… i mean today… was yesterday and now it is tomorrow… time swishes by…
tired, aching all over… ulcers… throbbing headache… backache… it’s past midnight and i shd go to bed… been a long long day…
no i m no hero for justice… but i do hate it when the weak, old and helpless are [...]
24 sep 2009 – chiaroscurro
Posted in dichotomy, family, fragility, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, senses, society, tagged art, beauty, Chiara, chiaroscurro, child, dada, family, father, Geertan tot Sint Jans, heartbreak, irony, love, man, mother, pain, painting, perspective, Renaissance, suffering, truth, woman on September 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it started out dark and stormy today… now the sunlight is shining brightly, dancing on the surfaces of the swaying tree branches, water in the pool and the flowers in my patio… and i thought of the words: “chiaroscurro”, “chiara”, and a certain family of three that have featured strongly in my life recently in [...]
23 sep 2009 – sins of the father…?
Posted in family, hope, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Andrea Bocelli, beauty, Blue Frog, Chiara, child, Cieli di Toscana, dada, emotion, father, honesty, lie, love, man, naive, pain, perspective, sex, truth, video, woman on September 23, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
what goes around comes around? does it really? i’d like to believe so… but sometimes, i do wonder… HOW exactly is it gonna come back around?
read recently abt the sentencing of russian-american pedophile Andrew Mogilyansky – i was struck by the absurdity of his wife’s claim that he was a good husband and father… i [...]
14 sep 2009 – brainmelt
Posted in dichotomy, family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, depression, emotion, fatigue, female asperger's, headache, help, love, man, meltdown, mind, pain, stress, tired, ulcers, vertigo, woman on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
stressful day… smelly workmen in and out all day fixing stuff… the smell was so bad in this heat… and the stress from having 2 strangers (who smell bad) walking around the house all day… it was inevitable i guess, the final meltdown… long after they’d gone… after a great dinner (which i cooked)… two [...]
13 sep 2009 – brainfreeze
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged friend, friendship, love, money, poverty, Temple Grandin, tired, worth on September 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
suddenly having a brainfreeze moment… yep… last 3 days spent doing translations… a non-profit arts group, so of course the pay was peanuts, but hey, peanuts to some monkeys can be chocolate cake to others… and this monkey, well, no i m not saying i m desperate for cake but i won’t turn down an [...]
10 sep 2009 – just before midnight
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, depression, emotion, food, honesty, hope, life, love, man, mind, nightmare, pain, painkillers, perspective, relationships, resolution, skank, ulcers, vertigo, woman on September 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
just before midnight… throbbing ulcers and swollen throat… mild vertigo… thinking abt nothing much, yet too many different things at once… took a painkiller before dinner – still hurt like crazy but i love eating… and yeah i do like my own cooking… seems like my family liked it too… pork ribs with hawaiian herb [...]
05 sep 2009 – asperger’s IS my life
Posted in general, hope, journal, life & death, questions, society, tagged Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome and high achievement, books, fear, John Elder Robison, life, Look Me in the Eye, shame, video on September 5, 2009 | 4 Comments »
asperger’s IS indeed my life, no matter how i tried to hide it in the past… but that was largely becos i did not kw what was ‘wrong’ with me… now that i kw, i m no longer ashamed or afraid of being different… i hv a lot to offer the world, the ppl i [...]
squabble meltdown
Posted in family, fatigue, love, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, confusion, female asperger's, meltdown on September 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
hate it when ppl squabble… problem with one is she doesnt realise how lucky she is to be so much loved and cared for with such dedication… the other is ADD and likes to repeat things over and over, making the one irritated and annoyed… why cant the one loved see beyond the faults of [...]
03 sep 2009 – 10 mins to tomorrow
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, journal, life & death, love, relationships, society, tagged death, fatigue, life, love, misunderstand, pain, ulcers, vertigo on September 3, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
just 10 mins to tomorrow… painful neck, vertigo, deep ulcers and lurching churning fatigue… how did i come to waste 2 years of my life?… and no matter what i did, oh how i tried and tried, i just wasn’t worth honour, truth and simple respect to him… only 5 minutes left to go… tomorrow [...]
a proper end
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, child, friendship, honesty, hope, lie, naive, resolution, vulnerable on September 3, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
they say ppl with asperger’s are childish and immature… it is true… i admit i m… i cannot seem to ‘grow up’ and be wise like other adults… it takes me far too long to grasp things that others do within split seconds… and one thing i hv been very unwise abt is my generosity [...]
03 sep 2009 – home
Posted in family, general, journal, life & death, questions, society, tagged empathy, grief, home, pain, poverty, sympathy on September 3, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
i recently read abt the crazy high price of caged homes in hong kong… yes, ppl live in cages, cramped together in tiny dingy dwellings in this bustling city driven by money and commerce… sad but true…
my heart goes out to these ppl, mostly old and alone with no other options to turn to…
i hv [...]
02 sep 2009 – swimming
Posted in fatigue, fragility, hope, journal, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, family, fatigue, pain, stemetil, steroid, sunshine, ulcers, vertigo on September 2, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
head swimming, that is… vertigo… not sure abt my morning swim today… tho the sunshine this morning is pretty inviting… it’s rained the last couple of days… glad to see the sun again…
feeling tired… fatigued… either battling a mild infection somewhere or just the autoimmune…
ulcers always feel better in the morning, and becomes more painful [...]
dear little swallow
Posted in friendship, hope, love, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, friend, friendship, help, honesty, life, love, man, pain, relationships, resolution, support, swallow, truth, woman on August 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
dear little swallow,
where r u now? i hv not heard from u for some time… but i kw u must be on some ‘alone’ trip off in some countryside somewhere?…
i just want to tell u that i m thinking of u again right now… and thank u for being such a wonderful friend to me… u [...]
vincent – genius at what price?
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, life & death, love, senses, society, tagged art, Asperger's Syndrome and high achievement, child, creativity, depression, Don McLean, Garden of Flowers, life, love, music, painting, spirit, Starry Night, suicide, video, Vincent, Vincent van Gogh on August 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
vincent van gogh – “Garden of Flowers” 1888 sold for USD8.4million… if only he were alive to see that… but in his lifetime, he only managed to sell just 1 painting… what price genius?…
i saw prints of his paintings in a picture book as a young child… i was immediately drawn to this man… and [...]
i m not rain man or spock
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, friendship, general, love, questions, relationships, sexuality, society, tagged Asperger's, Autism, beauty, emotion, female asperger's, friendship, If You Could Say It In Words, love, man, movie, Mozart and the Whale, pain, passion, perspective, Rain Man, relationships, silent scream, Spock, Star Trek, suffering, woman on August 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
obsessive… odd… in ur own world… all very fine, if u r male and interested in rocket science or something tt media and hype has overdone and over stereotyped – like spock in star trek etc… these r seen as acceptable freaks, kinda cute and yep, listen up, some women find them attractive!
but be female [...]
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