listening to the whirring of my mini fan heater… i hate the heater, it gets so dry, my throat hurts, but i also hate the extreme wet cold urrrrgh… too many thoughts clanging around in my head again… the curse of asperger’s? very akin to madness for sure…
i got some chocolate today at godiva… i [...]
Archive for the ‘society’ Category
whirring
Posted in fatigue, fragility, hope, love, questions, relationships, senses, society on November 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
eureka
Posted in fragility, friendship, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged friend, friendship, irony, love, understanding, Veronica on November 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
hot milo+soya milk+baileys = an eureka moment!
i spent thousands of dollars buying up tickets to his show, even while his sick twisted ex-bitch was torturing me left right and centre, i was telling everyone i knew how great his work is, giving tickets away to the uninitiated, making sure they turned up… twice he asked me [...]
18 nov 2009 – brrrr
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, senses, society, tagged nausea, panic, sensory overload, smell on November 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
brrrr it has been cold here the last two days… had the heater on all night and through the day when at home… tiring day… worked on some writing, then hacked away at the details for the planned move, got all togged up to get out… the bust was crowded and oh so stuffy, i [...]
sullied beauty
Posted in general, questions, society, tagged art, beauty, disappointment, humility, music on November 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
when a beautiful woman begins to speak in foul language and make ridiculously stupid and nasty remarks, when she does something that goes against others’ expectations of her beauty – when her inner beauty does not match her outer beauty – then it is sullied in the eyes of observers and even admirers…
when a brilliant [...]
17 nov 2009 – mr. multi
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged beauty, grief, irony, love, pain, truth, Veronica on November 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
he once said to me, “i am a multi-personalities man”… seems like such a long long time ago now, yet still so vividly clear and resonant in my head… i dont kw whether to laugh out loud or shake with sorrow at such irony and farce… indeed, he is a multi-personalities man… mr. multi… richly [...]
15 nov 2009 – scrambled
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, pain, strength, truth, perspective, courage, honesty, Asperger's, painkillers, headache, stress, ulcers, relationships, fatigue, tired, friendship, friend, TMJ on November 15, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
thoughts scrambled… too too tired… busy week… not all good… but at least it ended well… by well i mean the last 2 social events were with good friends… last nite with a great friend and collaborator, and his lovely wife, and today with another friend who shares my love for food… i meant it [...]
13 nov 2009 – smoking barrels
Posted in dichotomy, general, hope, journal, questions, society, tagged Asperger's, beauty, courage, creativity, honesty, hope, life, passion, perspective, rejection, resolution on November 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
yes, i kw, i ask the darnest questions… yes, i often put people in a spot… and yes yes yes, ppl r known to react negatively… but shd i even bother to try to be common, ordinary, unchallenging and bland?… not that there is anything intrinsically wrong abt being common, ordinary, unchallenging and bland, if [...]
11 nov 2009 – overload!
Posted in fatigue, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged love, talent, music, art, relationships, friendship, friend, lie, sensory overload on November 11, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
beautiful clear skies today… what a day to forget my handy carry camera! urrrgh!… i cld see the blue of the sky contrasting against white white fluffy clouds – this IS a rare sight where i live now, with the constant pollution problem escalating by the minute… anyway, i was savouring every visual moment as [...]
human pufferfish
Posted in friendship, general, questions, relationships, society, tagged art, Asperger's, friendship, help, honesty, life, music, perspective, pride, relationships on November 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
been musing on the phenomenon of the human pufferfish lately… aka ppl who, because of some deep seated insecurity or other, ‘inflate’ themselves in order to appear somehow more superior than they really are or than they feel they are… all because they are afraid of looking ’small’, wanting to impress other fish and / [...]
01 nov 2009 – layers
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, pain, strength, truth, courage, resolution, honesty, Asperger's, emotion, relationships, tired, friendship, friend, lie, deceit on November 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
sometimes i do indeed detest being me – those are times when i love too deep, fall too hard, break apart, struggle with physical handicaps etc… i do not really want the fragility do i? why? because i see that the world seems to belong to the strong, hardhearted and shallow…
but other times, when i [...]
31 oct 2009 – a different beat
Posted in dichotomy, family, friendship, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged truth, life, love, woman, honesty, support, Asperger's, man, emotion, relationships, friendship, friend, lie, dance on October 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
“she probably thinks you are insane”… “she has disappeared because of what u said to her”… small little hints, and by now, i ‘understand’ human communication enough to pick up from these words a message of blame… that being different so markedly is somehow deemed ‘wrong’… and that telling the truth to people whom i [...]
29 sep 2009 – goldfish
Posted in dichotomy, family, fragility, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged pain, understanding, fear, silent scream, Asperger's, death, misunderstand, shock, helpless, hopeless, goldfish on September 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
a startled goldfish… a silent scream… dry hot tears streaming from nowhere… just a terrible terrible shock reaction… rush of fear into the brain… a practical joke gone wrong… someone thinking it wld be fun to knock on my window in the middle of the night to say hello?… my heart now can’t stop thumping [...]
old habits die hard
Posted in dichotomy, friendship, general, hope, life & death, love, relationships, society, tagged beauty, creativity, truth, life, child, love, woman, help, honesty, man, music, art, relationships, heartbreak, friendship, friend, lie, deceit on September 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
heard he’s been trawling facebook for women… unlike some who search at random, he is a well known figure who attracts willing ‘fans’ through various groups dedicated to him and his work… willing (but many uninformed) flies to the fire for sure… if u were a young (or even not so young) woman who loves [...]
26 sep 2009 – tomorrow already
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, fatigue, headache, help, life, love, old age, perspective, suffering, support, tired on September 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it’s tomorrow already… i mean today… was yesterday and now it is tomorrow… time swishes by…
tired, aching all over… ulcers… throbbing headache… backache… it’s past midnight and i shd go to bed… been a long long day…
no i m no hero for justice… but i do hate it when the weak, old and helpless are [...]
24 sep 2009 – chiaroscurro
Posted in dichotomy, family, fragility, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, senses, society, tagged art, beauty, Chiara, chiaroscurro, child, dada, family, father, Geertan tot Sint Jans, heartbreak, irony, love, man, mother, pain, painting, perspective, Renaissance, suffering, truth, woman on September 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it started out dark and stormy today… now the sunlight is shining brightly, dancing on the surfaces of the swaying tree branches, water in the pool and the flowers in my patio… and i thought of the words: “chiaroscurro”, “chiara”, and a certain family of three that have featured strongly in my life recently in [...]
23 sep 2009 – sins of the father…?
Posted in family, hope, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Andrea Bocelli, beauty, Blue Frog, Chiara, child, Cieli di Toscana, dada, emotion, father, honesty, lie, love, man, naive, pain, perspective, sex, truth, video, woman on September 23, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
what goes around comes around? does it really? i’d like to believe so… but sometimes, i do wonder… HOW exactly is it gonna come back around?
read recently abt the sentencing of russian-american pedophile Andrew Mogilyansky – i was struck by the absurdity of his wife’s claim that he was a good husband and father… i [...]
14 sep 2009 – brainmelt
Posted in dichotomy, family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, depression, emotion, fatigue, female asperger's, headache, help, love, man, meltdown, mind, pain, stress, tired, ulcers, vertigo, woman on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
stressful day… smelly workmen in and out all day fixing stuff… the smell was so bad in this heat… and the stress from having 2 strangers (who smell bad) walking around the house all day… it was inevitable i guess, the final meltdown… long after they’d gone… after a great dinner (which i cooked)… two [...]
13 sep 2009 – brainfreeze
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged friend, friendship, love, money, poverty, Temple Grandin, tired, worth on September 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
suddenly having a brainfreeze moment… yep… last 3 days spent doing translations… a non-profit arts group, so of course the pay was peanuts, but hey, peanuts to some monkeys can be chocolate cake to others… and this monkey, well, no i m not saying i m desperate for cake but i won’t turn down an [...]
10 sep 2009 – just before midnight
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, depression, emotion, food, honesty, hope, life, love, man, mind, nightmare, pain, painkillers, perspective, relationships, resolution, skank, ulcers, vertigo, woman on September 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
just before midnight… throbbing ulcers and swollen throat… mild vertigo… thinking abt nothing much, yet too many different things at once… took a painkiller before dinner – still hurt like crazy but i love eating… and yeah i do like my own cooking… seems like my family liked it too… pork ribs with hawaiian herb [...]
05 sep 2009 – asperger’s IS my life
Posted in general, hope, journal, life & death, questions, society, tagged Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome and high achievement, books, fear, John Elder Robison, life, Look Me in the Eye, shame, video on September 5, 2009 | 4 Comments »
asperger’s IS indeed my life, no matter how i tried to hide it in the past… but that was largely becos i did not kw what was ‘wrong’ with me… now that i kw, i m no longer ashamed or afraid of being different… i hv a lot to offer the world, the ppl i [...]
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