listening to the whirring of my mini fan heater… i hate the heater, it gets so dry, my throat hurts, but i also hate the extreme wet cold urrrrgh… too many thoughts clanging around in my head again… the curse of asperger’s? very akin to madness for sure…
i got some chocolate today at godiva… i [...]
Archive for the ‘senses’ Category
whirring
Posted in fatigue, fragility, hope, love, questions, relationships, senses, society on November 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
eureka
Posted in fragility, friendship, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged understanding, love, friendship, friend, irony, Veronica on November 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
hot milo+soya milk+baileys = an eureka moment!
i spent thousands of dollars buying up tickets to his show, even while his sick twisted ex-bitch was torturing me left right and centre, i was telling everyone i knew how great his work is, giving tickets away to the uninitiated, making sure they turned up… twice he asked me [...]
18 nov 2009 – brrrr
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, senses, society, tagged nausea, panic, sensory overload, smell on November 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
brrrr it has been cold here the last two days… had the heater on all night and through the day when at home… tiring day… worked on some writing, then hacked away at the details for the planned move, got all togged up to get out… the bust was crowded and oh so stuffy, i [...]
14 nov 2009 – food rituals
Posted in fragility, hope, journal, senses, tagged pain, life, ulcers, food, TMJ, ritual, celebrate on November 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
TMJ again… seems to hv come back when i returned here… ah well… c’est ma vie!… still cld manage a nice tomato & mozarella toasty for lunch anyway, which is always good news… for those who hv never been plagued with mouth ulcers and TMJ at the same time, a simple thing like being able [...]
11 nov 2009 – overload!
Posted in fatigue, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged love, talent, music, art, relationships, friendship, friend, lie, sensory overload on November 11, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
beautiful clear skies today… what a day to forget my handy carry camera! urrrgh!… i cld see the blue of the sky contrasting against white white fluffy clouds – this IS a rare sight where i live now, with the constant pollution problem escalating by the minute… anyway, i was savouring every visual moment as [...]
25 oct 2009 – broken body
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, senses, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, body, fatigue, headache, lie, life, pain, painkillers, perspective, stress, suffering, tired, truth, ulcers on October 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
i m reminded abt the broken body i live in all the time… little things that nobody will ever know, just by looking at me… do i deliberately ‘hide’ things? lie?… once he accused me of this… but i hv been accused of many things before, and i guess i oughta get used to it… [...]
29 sep 2009 – goldfish
Posted in dichotomy, family, fragility, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged pain, understanding, fear, silent scream, Asperger's, death, misunderstand, shock, helpless, hopeless, goldfish on September 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
a startled goldfish… a silent scream… dry hot tears streaming from nowhere… just a terrible terrible shock reaction… rush of fear into the brain… a practical joke gone wrong… someone thinking it wld be fun to knock on my window in the middle of the night to say hello?… my heart now can’t stop thumping [...]
bluebeard, scheherazade and the sunken cathedral
Posted in general, life & death, love, senses, tagged creativity, pain, passion, life, bunnyblu, love, woman, Asperger's, emotion, Tove Jansson, Moomins, Blue Frog, skank, Hans Christian Anderson, Bluebeard, Scheherazade, la cathedrale engloutie, The Sunken Cathedrale, fiction, Gazelle on September 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
‘experts’ say that ppl with asperger’s are often less interested in fiction than in factual books or other sources of information… yeah, well that may be true in many cases… and yes, as an adult, i found i had no more interest in reading fiction, it bored me, but i m held spellbound by non-fiction, [...]
24 sep 2009 – chiaroscurro
Posted in dichotomy, family, fragility, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, senses, society, tagged art, beauty, Chiara, chiaroscurro, child, dada, family, father, Geertan tot Sint Jans, heartbreak, irony, love, man, mother, pain, painting, perspective, Renaissance, suffering, truth, woman on September 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it started out dark and stormy today… now the sunlight is shining brightly, dancing on the surfaces of the swaying tree branches, water in the pool and the flowers in my patio… and i thought of the words: “chiaroscurro”, “chiara”, and a certain family of three that have featured strongly in my life recently in [...]
one last cheer up
Posted in general, hope, senses, tagged video, Fred Astaire, dance, Bing Crosby on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
one last cheer up before beddy bye… i need the naivety and innocence back… ah… fred astaire… this shd be a spunkykitty post really, but anyhow, here they are, bing and fred doing one of the silliest routines i’ve ever seen yet how i used to love it as a child… i can still watch [...]
asperger’s – THIS is the life!
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, questions, senses, tagged Asperger's, depression, emotion, relationships, suffering, tired on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
oh while the smelly workmen were wandering in and out filling my air with rancidity, i wrote a long nasty letter as per instruction from mom… and now, fatigued from brainmeltmeltdown and churning inside the acid reflux drum of clattering guilt… time for non-bed… i.e. too tired to sleep, too alive to die… damn, and [...]
14 sep 2009 – brainmelt
Posted in dichotomy, family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, depression, emotion, fatigue, female asperger's, headache, help, love, man, meltdown, mind, pain, stress, tired, ulcers, vertigo, woman on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
stressful day… smelly workmen in and out all day fixing stuff… the smell was so bad in this heat… and the stress from having 2 strangers (who smell bad) walking around the house all day… it was inevitable i guess, the final meltdown… long after they’d gone… after a great dinner (which i cooked)… two [...]
10 sep 2009 – just before midnight
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, depression, emotion, food, honesty, hope, life, love, man, mind, nightmare, pain, painkillers, perspective, relationships, resolution, skank, ulcers, vertigo, woman on September 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
just before midnight… throbbing ulcers and swollen throat… mild vertigo… thinking abt nothing much, yet too many different things at once… took a painkiller before dinner – still hurt like crazy but i love eating… and yeah i do like my own cooking… seems like my family liked it too… pork ribs with hawaiian herb [...]
09 sep 2009 – comfort food
Posted in fragility, journal, questions, senses, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, joy, pain, painkillers, ulcers on September 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it does get so painful that the pain ‘makes’ a ringing sound in the ear… and my ears hv been ringing all day… the throat is inflamed and a huge deep crater of an ulcer throbs angrily at the bottom of the base of my tongue… not to mention the dozens others scattered around like [...]
08 sep 2009 – holes
Posted in family, fatigue, journal, love, relationships, senses, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, emotion, fatigue, illness, life, love, pain, perspective, relationships, stress, tired, ulcers on September 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
holes in my throat… ulcers, i mean… it’s tiresome, one wave after another… never without pain… this afternoon i hv acupuncture and acupressure sesssion… holes in my knee… the tiny needles shd be no problem for others, but i hv behcet’s, and the tiniest of pinpricks result in angry red circles – yep, just like [...]
07 sep 2009 – well done spunkykitty!
Posted in family, fatigue, friendship, journal, love, relationships, senses, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, love, tinnitus, Asperger's, ulcers, relationships, empathy on September 7, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
time for a pat on my back… from me to me… it has been a trying day… but i managed to prevent my own meltdown, and at the same time diffuse a volatile situation between two ppl i love… who says aspies dont hv empathy?… i think we do, a lot more than ‘normal’ NTs [...]
06 sep 2009 – weekend sortie
Posted in family, journal, senses, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, sensitivity, ulcers, food, hyperacusis on September 6, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
weekends over here at home, time for outings to different foodie places… i do love it, but it is SO bad for the waistline!!!
ok, so i do hv a few painful mouth ulcers at the tip of my tongue, but that did not prevent me from plunging headlong into some really delicious thai food… in [...]
squabble meltdown
Posted in family, fatigue, love, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, confusion, female asperger's, meltdown on September 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
hate it when ppl squabble… problem with one is she doesnt realise how lucky she is to be so much loved and cared for with such dedication… the other is ADD and likes to repeat things over and over, making the one irritated and annoyed… why cant the one loved see beyond the faults of [...]
vincent – genius at what price?
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, life & death, love, senses, society, tagged art, Asperger's Syndrome and high achievement, child, creativity, depression, Don McLean, Garden of Flowers, life, love, music, painting, spirit, Starry Night, suicide, video, Vincent, Vincent van Gogh on August 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
vincent van gogh – “Garden of Flowers” 1888 sold for USD8.4million… if only he were alive to see that… but in his lifetime, he only managed to sell just 1 painting… what price genius?…
i saw prints of his paintings in a picture book as a young child… i was immediately drawn to this man… and [...]
30 aug 2009 – rain
Posted in fatigue, fragility, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged burnt bridges, depression, friendship, honesty, hope, illness, life, nausea, nightmare, pain, resolution, silent scream, skank, sound, stemetil, storm, vertigo, water on August 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
rainy day… no lightning… just pitter patter of steady heavy rain… splattering on the awning, wetting the patio floor… i can see reflections on the dark brown wooden planks… rain bouncing on the surface of the pool like dancing water nymphs…
nightmares last night… restless sleep… vertigo and nausea this morning… ok time for stemetil… oh [...]
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