thoughts scrambled… too too tired… busy week… not all good… but at least it ended well… by well i mean the last 2 social events were with good friends… last nite with a great friend and collaborator, and his lovely wife, and today with another friend who shares my love for food… i meant it [...]
Archive for the ‘general’ Category
15 nov 2009 – scrambled
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, pain, strength, truth, perspective, courage, honesty, Asperger's, painkillers, headache, stress, ulcers, relationships, fatigue, tired, friendship, friend, TMJ on November 15, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
13 nov 2009 – smoking barrels
Posted in dichotomy, general, hope, journal, questions, society, tagged beauty, creativity, passion, life, perspective, rejection, courage, resolution, honesty, Asperger's, hope on November 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
yes, i kw, i ask the darnest questions… yes, i often put people in a spot… and yes yes yes, ppl r known to react negatively… but shd i even bother to try to be common, ordinary, unchallenging and bland?… not that there is anything intrinsically wrong abt being common, ordinary, unchallenging and bland, if [...]
human pufferfish
Posted in friendship, general, questions, relationships, society, tagged art, Asperger's, friendship, help, honesty, life, music, perspective, pride, relationships on November 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
been musing on the phenomenon of the human pufferfish lately… aka ppl who, because of some deep seated insecurity or other, ‘inflate’ themselves in order to appear somehow more superior than they really are or than they feel they are… all because they are afraid of looking ’small’, wanting to impress other fish and / [...]
01 nov 2009 – layers
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, pain, strength, truth, courage, resolution, honesty, Asperger's, emotion, relationships, tired, friendship, friend, lie, deceit on November 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
sometimes i do indeed detest being me – those are times when i love too deep, fall too hard, break apart, struggle with physical handicaps etc… i do not really want the fragility do i? why? because i see that the world seems to belong to the strong, hardhearted and shallow…
but other times, when i [...]
31 oct 2009 – a different beat
Posted in dichotomy, family, friendship, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, dance, emotion, friend, friendship, honesty, lie, life, love, man, relationships, support, truth, woman on October 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
“she probably thinks you are insane”… “she has disappeared because of what u said to her”… small little hints, and by now, i ‘understand’ human communication enough to pick up from these words a message of blame… that being different so markedly is somehow deemed ‘wrong’… and that telling the truth to people whom i [...]
26 oct 2009 – truth or dare
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, life & death, questions, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, truth, fear, courage, silent scream, honesty, Asperger's, fatigue, tired on October 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
tell the truth or perform a dare?… sometimes life really is a game… a game which i barely understand, and which i m now very very tired of trying to play…
the trouble with asperger’s is that i KNOW i m different, but i m helpless to change this difference… and behcet’s really doesnt help, does [...]
25 oct 2009 – broken body
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, senses, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, pain, truth, life, perspective, suffering, Asperger's, painkillers, arthritis, headache, stress, ulcers, fatigue, tired, lie on October 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
i m reminded abt the broken body i live in all the time… little things that nobody will ever know, just by looking at me… do i deliberately ‘hide’ things? lie?… once he accused me of this… but i hv been accused of many things before, and i guess i oughta get used to it… [...]
19 oct 2009 – back in the desert
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, courage, arthritis, fatigue, tired on October 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
back in the desert… spartan living… cold reality of life alone… tho i kw i m never completely alone… i also kw i HAVE to do this last leg of this particular part of the journey as best as i can…
went to view a few apartments in a different area of town yesterday and had [...]
12 oct 2009 – chugging along
Posted in fatigue, general, hope, journal, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, body, fatigue, pain, perspective, strength, ulcers, vertigo on October 12, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
wonder how many ppl with asperger’s also suffer from behcet’s? … just another aspie musing, i guess… i notice i hv been generally free from the painful TMJ symptoms this entire summer… yippee! small blessings are very big things really, especially when these help to alleviate pain…
chugging along… fatigue is a constant companion… but always [...]
old habits die hard
Posted in dichotomy, friendship, general, hope, life & death, love, relationships, society, tagged art, beauty, child, creativity, deceit, friend, friendship, heartbreak, help, honesty, lie, life, love, man, music, relationships, truth, woman on September 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
heard he’s been trawling facebook for women… unlike some who search at random, he is a well known figure who attracts willing ‘fans’ through various groups dedicated to him and his work… willing (but many uninformed) flies to the fire for sure… if u were a young (or even not so young) woman who loves [...]
26 sep 2009 – tomorrow already
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, life, perspective, love, suffering, help, support, headache, fatigue, tired, old age on September 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it’s tomorrow already… i mean today… was yesterday and now it is tomorrow… time swishes by…
tired, aching all over… ulcers… throbbing headache… backache… it’s past midnight and i shd go to bed… been a long long day…
no i m no hero for justice… but i do hate it when the weak, old and helpless are [...]
bluebeard, scheherazade and the sunken cathedral
Posted in general, life & death, love, senses, tagged Asperger's, Blue Frog, Bluebeard, bunnyblu, creativity, emotion, fiction, Gazelle, Hans Christian Anderson, la cathedrale engloutie, life, love, Moomins, pain, passion, Scheherazade, skank, The Sunken Cathedrale, Tove Jansson, woman on September 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
‘experts’ say that ppl with asperger’s are often less interested in fiction than in factual books or other sources of information… yeah, well that may be true in many cases… and yes, as an adult, i found i had no more interest in reading fiction, it bored me, but i m held spellbound by non-fiction, [...]
24 sep 2009 – chiaroscurro
Posted in dichotomy, family, fragility, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, senses, society, tagged beauty, pain, truth, child, perspective, father, love, woman, suffering, man, mother, art, heartbreak, family, irony, painting, dada, Chiara, chiaroscurro, Geertan tot Sint Jans, Renaissance on September 24, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it started out dark and stormy today… now the sunlight is shining brightly, dancing on the surfaces of the swaying tree branches, water in the pool and the flowers in my patio… and i thought of the words: “chiaroscurro”, “chiara”, and a certain family of three that have featured strongly in my life recently in [...]
one last cheer up
Posted in general, hope, senses, tagged Bing Crosby, dance, Fred Astaire, video on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
one last cheer up before beddy bye… i need the naivety and innocence back… ah… fred astaire… this shd be a spunkykitty post really, but anyhow, here they are, bing and fred doing one of the silliest routines i’ve ever seen yet how i used to love it as a child… i can still watch [...]
asperger’s – THIS is the life!
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, questions, senses, tagged suffering, Asperger's, emotion, relationships, tired, depression on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
oh while the smelly workmen were wandering in and out filling my air with rancidity, i wrote a long nasty letter as per instruction from mom… and now, fatigued from brainmeltmeltdown and churning inside the acid reflux drum of clattering guilt… time for non-bed… i.e. too tired to sleep, too alive to die… damn, and [...]
14 sep 2009 – brainmelt
Posted in dichotomy, family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, pain, mind, love, woman, vertigo, help, Asperger's, man, emotion, headache, stress, ulcers, fatigue, tired, depression, meltdown, female asperger's on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
stressful day… smelly workmen in and out all day fixing stuff… the smell was so bad in this heat… and the stress from having 2 strangers (who smell bad) walking around the house all day… it was inevitable i guess, the final meltdown… long after they’d gone… after a great dinner (which i cooked)… two [...]
10 sep 2009 – just before midnight
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, pain, life, perspective, mind, love, woman, resolution, vertigo, honesty, Asperger's, painkillers, man, emotion, ulcers, relationships, hope, food, depression, nightmare, skank on September 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
just before midnight… throbbing ulcers and swollen throat… mild vertigo… thinking abt nothing much, yet too many different things at once… took a painkiller before dinner – still hurt like crazy but i love eating… and yeah i do like my own cooking… seems like my family liked it too… pork ribs with hawaiian herb [...]
05 sep 2009 – asperger’s IS my life
Posted in general, hope, journal, life & death, questions, society, tagged Asperger's, Asperger's Syndrome and high achievement, books, fear, John Elder Robison, life, Look Me in the Eye, shame, video on September 5, 2009 | 4 Comments »
asperger’s IS indeed my life, no matter how i tried to hide it in the past… but that was largely becos i did not kw what was ‘wrong’ with me… now that i kw, i m no longer ashamed or afraid of being different… i hv a lot to offer the world, the ppl i [...]
03 sep 2009 – home
Posted in family, general, journal, life & death, questions, society, tagged empathy, grief, home, pain, poverty, sympathy on September 3, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
i recently read abt the crazy high price of caged homes in hong kong… yes, ppl live in cages, cramped together in tiny dingy dwellings in this bustling city driven by money and commerce… sad but true…
my heart goes out to these ppl, mostly old and alone with no other options to turn to…
i hv [...]
-
Categories
Archives
-
Top Posts
