he once said to me, “i am a multi-personalities man”… seems like such a long long time ago now, yet still so vividly clear and resonant in my head… i dont kw whether to laugh out loud or shake with sorrow at such irony and farce… indeed, he is a multi-personalities man… mr. multi… richly [...]
Archive for the ‘friendship’ Category
17 nov 2009 – mr. multi
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged beauty, grief, irony, love, pain, truth, Veronica on November 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
15 nov 2009 – scrambled
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, pain, strength, truth, perspective, courage, honesty, Asperger's, painkillers, headache, stress, ulcers, relationships, fatigue, tired, friendship, friend, TMJ on November 15, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
thoughts scrambled… too too tired… busy week… not all good… but at least it ended well… by well i mean the last 2 social events were with good friends… last nite with a great friend and collaborator, and his lovely wife, and today with another friend who shares my love for food… i meant it [...]
woof!
Posted in family, friendship, hope, journal, love, relationships, tagged blessing, contentment, family, friendship, happy, help, love, support on November 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
mindbloggingly gibberishy gobbledegoob like oooooooodles of noodles running amok inside one’s head unravelling completely with sounds of syllables that mean nothing and mean plenty at the same time… woof!
moving house is no joke at all… esp for an aspie… been obsessively drawing out and redrawing over and over again my plans… i laugh at myself, [...]
11 nov 2009 – overload!
Posted in fatigue, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged art, friend, friendship, lie, love, music, relationships, sensory overload, talent on November 11, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
beautiful clear skies today… what a day to forget my handy carry camera! urrrgh!… i cld see the blue of the sky contrasting against white white fluffy clouds – this IS a rare sight where i live now, with the constant pollution problem escalating by the minute… anyway, i was savouring every visual moment as [...]
human pufferfish
Posted in friendship, general, questions, relationships, society, tagged art, Asperger's, friendship, help, honesty, life, music, perspective, pride, relationships on November 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
been musing on the phenomenon of the human pufferfish lately… aka ppl who, because of some deep seated insecurity or other, ‘inflate’ themselves in order to appear somehow more superior than they really are or than they feel they are… all because they are afraid of looking ’small’, wanting to impress other fish and / [...]
01 nov 2009 – layers
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, pain, strength, truth, courage, resolution, honesty, Asperger's, emotion, relationships, tired, friendship, friend, lie, deceit on November 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
sometimes i do indeed detest being me – those are times when i love too deep, fall too hard, break apart, struggle with physical handicaps etc… i do not really want the fragility do i? why? because i see that the world seems to belong to the strong, hardhearted and shallow…
but other times, when i [...]
31 oct 2009 – a different beat
Posted in dichotomy, family, friendship, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, dance, emotion, friend, friendship, honesty, lie, life, love, man, relationships, support, truth, woman on October 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
“she probably thinks you are insane”… “she has disappeared because of what u said to her”… small little hints, and by now, i ‘understand’ human communication enough to pick up from these words a message of blame… that being different so markedly is somehow deemed ‘wrong’… and that telling the truth to people whom i [...]
old habits die hard
Posted in dichotomy, friendship, general, hope, life & death, love, relationships, society, tagged art, beauty, child, creativity, deceit, friend, friendship, heartbreak, help, honesty, lie, life, love, man, music, relationships, truth, woman on September 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
heard he’s been trawling facebook for women… unlike some who search at random, he is a well known figure who attracts willing ‘fans’ through various groups dedicated to him and his work… willing (but many uninformed) flies to the fire for sure… if u were a young (or even not so young) woman who loves [...]
22 sep 2009 – poorer but happier
Posted in family, friendship, hope, journal, life & death, love, relationships, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, body, courage, emotion, friendship, headache, help, hope, illness, life, love, pain, perspective, relationships, strength, suffering, support, truth, ulcers, vertigo on September 22, 2009 | 2 Comments »
everyone wishes to have lots of money… and indeed once upon a long long time ago i did indeed have quite a bit… but aspies are not known to be great with money… c’est moi: too gullible, too generous, too impulsive, too plain lousy at keeping those balance sheets… maths has never been my forte, [...]
13 sep 2009 – brainfreeze
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged love, worth, money, tired, friendship, friend, poverty, Temple Grandin on September 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
suddenly having a brainfreeze moment… yep… last 3 days spent doing translations… a non-profit arts group, so of course the pay was peanuts, but hey, peanuts to some monkeys can be chocolate cake to others… and this monkey, well, no i m not saying i m desperate for cake but i won’t turn down an [...]
10 sep 2009 – just before midnight
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, pain, life, perspective, mind, love, woman, resolution, vertigo, honesty, Asperger's, painkillers, man, emotion, ulcers, relationships, hope, food, depression, nightmare, skank on September 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
just before midnight… throbbing ulcers and swollen throat… mild vertigo… thinking abt nothing much, yet too many different things at once… took a painkiller before dinner – still hurt like crazy but i love eating… and yeah i do like my own cooking… seems like my family liked it too… pork ribs with hawaiian herb [...]
07 sep 2009 – well done spunkykitty!
Posted in family, fatigue, friendship, journal, love, relationships, senses, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, love, tinnitus, Asperger's, ulcers, relationships, empathy on September 7, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
time for a pat on my back… from me to me… it has been a trying day… but i managed to prevent my own meltdown, and at the same time diffuse a volatile situation between two ppl i love… who says aspies dont hv empathy?… i think we do, a lot more than ‘normal’ NTs [...]
03 sep 2009 – 10 mins to tomorrow
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, journal, life & death, love, relationships, society, tagged pain, life, love, vertigo, ulcers, fatigue, death, misunderstand on September 3, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
just 10 mins to tomorrow… painful neck, vertigo, deep ulcers and lurching churning fatigue… how did i come to waste 2 years of my life?… and no matter what i did, oh how i tried and tried, i just wasn’t worth honour, truth and simple respect to him… only 5 minutes left to go… tomorrow [...]
a proper end
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged child, resolution, honesty, Asperger's, hope, friendship, vulnerable, lie, naive on September 3, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
they say ppl with asperger’s are childish and immature… it is true… i admit i m… i cannot seem to ‘grow up’ and be wise like other adults… it takes me far too long to grasp things that others do within split seconds… and one thing i hv been very unwise abt is my generosity [...]
dear little swallow
Posted in friendship, hope, love, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, friend, friendship, help, honesty, life, love, man, pain, relationships, resolution, support, swallow, truth, woman on August 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
dear little swallow,
where r u now? i hv not heard from u for some time… but i kw u must be on some ‘alone’ trip off in some countryside somewhere?…
i just want to tell u that i m thinking of u again right now… and thank u for being such a wonderful friend to me… u [...]
i m not rain man or spock
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, friendship, general, love, questions, relationships, sexuality, society, tagged beauty, pain, passion, perspective, love, woman, Autism, silent scream, suffering, Asperger's, man, emotion, relationships, friendship, Rain Man, Spock, Star Trek, Mozart and the Whale, If You Could Say It In Words, movie, female asperger's on August 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
obsessive… odd… in ur own world… all very fine, if u r male and interested in rocket science or something tt media and hype has overdone and over stereotyped – like spock in star trek etc… these r seen as acceptable freaks, kinda cute and yep, listen up, some women find them attractive!
but be female [...]
burnt bridges
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged beauty, pain, truth, life, perspective, mind, love, Autism, honesty, Asperger's, emotion, relationships, tired, friendship, friend, loneliness, nightmare, lie, obsession, torment, threaten, blackmail, demand, swallow, burnt bridges on August 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it’s almost 3 am in the morning…
i hv told the truth at last…
i kw i hv burnt all bridges…
but i just cannot live with the agonising pressure of keeping this lie…
2 years of my life inside a waking nightmare…
i became an insane crazed monster, obsessively pursuing the ‘truth’ behind the bizarre complicated happenings…
made invisible in [...]
swallow
Posted in fragility, friendship, hope, life & death, love, relationships, senses, tagged beauty, truth, life, love, woman, help, support, Asperger's, man, music, relationships, hope, friendship, friend, simple, sunshine, swallow, water on August 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
a little swallow came by this morning, as i was swimming in the pool, and lightly dipped in and out, as if in greeting… sharing the sunlight and the cool water… i watched it fly away, up into the azure blue sky, then away beyond my vision… and i thought of u… that beautiful little [...]
move on
Posted in fragility, friendship, hope, love, relationships, tagged pain, life, heartbreak, hope, acceptance, trust, comfort, accusation, condemnation, healing on August 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
i want to move on
i want to heal at last
i want to forget the pain
i want to leave the past
sweetness for bitter
silk threads for hemp
acceptance for rejection
no longer condemned
i will keep loving
i will forgive
i will let go
i will live
joy for mourning
laughter for tears
assurance for mockery
no more taunting jeers
i will keep hoping
i will be true
whatever u [...]
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