listening to the whirring of my mini fan heater… i hate the heater, it gets so dry, my throat hurts, but i also hate the extreme wet cold urrrrgh… too many thoughts clanging around in my head again… the curse of asperger’s? very akin to madness for sure…
i got some chocolate today at godiva… i [...]
Archive for the ‘fatigue’ Category
whirring
Posted in fatigue, fragility, hope, love, questions, relationships, senses, society on November 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
18 nov 2009 – brrrr
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, senses, society, tagged nausea, panic, sensory overload, smell on November 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
brrrr it has been cold here the last two days… had the heater on all night and through the day when at home… tiring day… worked on some writing, then hacked away at the details for the planned move, got all togged up to get out… the bust was crowded and oh so stuffy, i [...]
15 nov 2009 – scrambled
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, pain, strength, truth, perspective, courage, honesty, Asperger's, painkillers, headache, stress, ulcers, relationships, fatigue, tired, friendship, friend, TMJ on November 15, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
thoughts scrambled… too too tired… busy week… not all good… but at least it ended well… by well i mean the last 2 social events were with good friends… last nite with a great friend and collaborator, and his lovely wife, and today with another friend who shares my love for food… i meant it [...]
11 nov 2009 – overload!
Posted in fatigue, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged love, talent, music, art, relationships, friendship, friend, lie, sensory overload on November 11, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
beautiful clear skies today… what a day to forget my handy carry camera! urrrgh!… i cld see the blue of the sky contrasting against white white fluffy clouds – this IS a rare sight where i live now, with the constant pollution problem escalating by the minute… anyway, i was savouring every visual moment as [...]
01 nov 2009 – layers
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, courage, deceit, emotion, friend, friendship, honesty, lie, pain, relationships, resolution, strength, tired, truth on November 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
sometimes i do indeed detest being me – those are times when i love too deep, fall too hard, break apart, struggle with physical handicaps etc… i do not really want the fragility do i? why? because i see that the world seems to belong to the strong, hardhearted and shallow…
but other times, when i [...]
26 oct 2009 – truth or dare
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, life & death, questions, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, courage, fatigue, fear, honesty, silent scream, tired, truth on October 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
tell the truth or perform a dare?… sometimes life really is a game… a game which i barely understand, and which i m now very very tired of trying to play…
the trouble with asperger’s is that i KNOW i m different, but i m helpless to change this difference… and behcet’s really doesnt help, does [...]
25 oct 2009 – broken body
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, senses, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, body, fatigue, headache, lie, life, pain, painkillers, perspective, stress, suffering, tired, truth, ulcers on October 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
i m reminded abt the broken body i live in all the time… little things that nobody will ever know, just by looking at me… do i deliberately ‘hide’ things? lie?… once he accused me of this… but i hv been accused of many things before, and i guess i oughta get used to it… [...]
19 oct 2009 – back in the desert
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, tagged arthritis, Behcet's Syndrome, body, courage, fatigue, tired on October 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
back in the desert… spartan living… cold reality of life alone… tho i kw i m never completely alone… i also kw i HAVE to do this last leg of this particular part of the journey as best as i can…
went to view a few apartments in a different area of town yesterday and had [...]
12 oct 2009 – chugging along
Posted in fatigue, general, hope, journal, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, body, fatigue, pain, perspective, strength, ulcers, vertigo on October 12, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
wonder how many ppl with asperger’s also suffer from behcet’s? … just another aspie musing, i guess… i notice i hv been generally free from the painful TMJ symptoms this entire summer… yippee! small blessings are very big things really, especially when these help to alleviate pain…
chugging along… fatigue is a constant companion… but always [...]
1 oct 2009 – no respite?
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, questions, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, fatigue, headache, illness, nausea, pain, painkillers, tired, ulcers, vertigo on October 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
is there no respite from behcet’s, i often wonder… ?… ulcers in throat hv been fierce, and the tongue swollen with strategic one near the base… eating is uncomfortable but thank god i love my food! … had a bad tummy all night… as if anyone wants to hear abt this?… mild fever this morning [...]
26 sep 2009 – tomorrow already
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, life, perspective, love, suffering, help, support, headache, fatigue, tired, old age on September 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it’s tomorrow already… i mean today… was yesterday and now it is tomorrow… time swishes by…
tired, aching all over… ulcers… throbbing headache… backache… it’s past midnight and i shd go to bed… been a long long day…
no i m no hero for justice… but i do hate it when the weak, old and helpless are [...]
asperger’s – THIS is the life!
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, questions, senses, tagged Asperger's, depression, emotion, relationships, suffering, tired on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
oh while the smelly workmen were wandering in and out filling my air with rancidity, i wrote a long nasty letter as per instruction from mom… and now, fatigued from brainmeltmeltdown and churning inside the acid reflux drum of clattering guilt… time for non-bed… i.e. too tired to sleep, too alive to die… damn, and [...]
14 sep 2009 – brainmelt
Posted in dichotomy, family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, depression, emotion, fatigue, female asperger's, headache, help, love, man, meltdown, mind, pain, stress, tired, ulcers, vertigo, woman on September 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
stressful day… smelly workmen in and out all day fixing stuff… the smell was so bad in this heat… and the stress from having 2 strangers (who smell bad) walking around the house all day… it was inevitable i guess, the final meltdown… long after they’d gone… after a great dinner (which i cooked)… two [...]
13 sep 2009 – brainfreeze
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged friend, friendship, love, money, poverty, Temple Grandin, tired, worth on September 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
suddenly having a brainfreeze moment… yep… last 3 days spent doing translations… a non-profit arts group, so of course the pay was peanuts, but hey, peanuts to some monkeys can be chocolate cake to others… and this monkey, well, no i m not saying i m desperate for cake but i won’t turn down an [...]
10 sep 2009 – just before midnight
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, depression, emotion, food, honesty, hope, life, love, man, mind, nightmare, pain, painkillers, perspective, relationships, resolution, skank, ulcers, vertigo, woman on September 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
just before midnight… throbbing ulcers and swollen throat… mild vertigo… thinking abt nothing much, yet too many different things at once… took a painkiller before dinner – still hurt like crazy but i love eating… and yeah i do like my own cooking… seems like my family liked it too… pork ribs with hawaiian herb [...]
08 sep 2009 – holes
Posted in family, fatigue, journal, love, relationships, senses, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, emotion, fatigue, illness, life, love, pain, perspective, relationships, stress, tired, ulcers on September 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
holes in my throat… ulcers, i mean… it’s tiresome, one wave after another… never without pain… this afternoon i hv acupuncture and acupressure sesssion… holes in my knee… the tiny needles shd be no problem for others, but i hv behcet’s, and the tiniest of pinpricks result in angry red circles – yep, just like [...]
07 sep 2009 – well done spunkykitty!
Posted in family, fatigue, friendship, journal, love, relationships, senses, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, love, tinnitus, Asperger's, ulcers, relationships, empathy on September 7, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
time for a pat on my back… from me to me… it has been a trying day… but i managed to prevent my own meltdown, and at the same time diffuse a volatile situation between two ppl i love… who says aspies dont hv empathy?… i think we do, a lot more than ‘normal’ NTs [...]
squabble meltdown
Posted in family, fatigue, love, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, confusion, female asperger's, meltdown on September 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
hate it when ppl squabble… problem with one is she doesnt realise how lucky she is to be so much loved and cared for with such dedication… the other is ADD and likes to repeat things over and over, making the one irritated and annoyed… why cant the one loved see beyond the faults of [...]
04 sep 2009 – aching fatigue
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, love, questions, relationships, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, dreams, fatigue, headache, nightmare, pain, tired on September 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
aching fatigue… the arthritis still throbs in the night, so i kw it is there somewhere, i didnt manage to get rid of this flare up, it’s been more than 3 months now… painful dreams… running running running to catch up with loved ones but my legs r just not strong enough… giving giving giving, [...]
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