listening to the whirring of my mini fan heater… i hate the heater, it gets so dry, my throat hurts, but i also hate the extreme wet cold urrrrgh… too many thoughts clanging around in my head again… the curse of asperger’s? very akin to madness for sure…
i got some chocolate today at godiva… i [...]
Archive for November, 2009
whirring
Posted in fatigue, fragility, hope, love, questions, relationships, senses, society on November 20, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
loopy loops
Posted in family, tagged friend, friendship on November 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
the mind of an aspie is a strange thing… while not all of us hv super IQs like bill gates or einstein, almost all of us ruminate obsessively – a good and bad trait which has led to research breakthroughs as well as mental breakdowns!
so here i m ruminating… more like obsessively playing back sequences, [...]
eureka
Posted in fragility, friendship, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged friend, friendship, irony, love, understanding, Veronica on November 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
hot milo+soya milk+baileys = an eureka moment!
i spent thousands of dollars buying up tickets to his show, even while his sick twisted ex-bitch was torturing me left right and centre, i was telling everyone i knew how great his work is, giving tickets away to the uninitiated, making sure they turned up… twice he asked me [...]
18 nov 2009 – brrrr
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, senses, society, tagged nausea, panic, sensory overload, smell on November 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
brrrr it has been cold here the last two days… had the heater on all night and through the day when at home… tiring day… worked on some writing, then hacked away at the details for the planned move, got all togged up to get out… the bust was crowded and oh so stuffy, i [...]
sullied beauty
Posted in general, questions, society, tagged art, beauty, disappointment, humility, music on November 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
when a beautiful woman begins to speak in foul language and make ridiculously stupid and nasty remarks, when she does something that goes against others’ expectations of her beauty – when her inner beauty does not match her outer beauty – then it is sullied in the eyes of observers and even admirers…
when a brilliant [...]
17 nov 2009 – mr. multi
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged beauty, pain, truth, love, irony, grief, Veronica on November 17, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
he once said to me, “i am a multi-personalities man”… seems like such a long long time ago now, yet still so vividly clear and resonant in my head… i dont kw whether to laugh out loud or shake with sorrow at such irony and farce… indeed, he is a multi-personalities man… mr. multi… richly [...]
15 nov 2009 – scrambled
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, body, courage, fatigue, friend, friendship, headache, honesty, pain, painkillers, perspective, relationships, strength, stress, tired, TMJ, truth, ulcers on November 15, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
thoughts scrambled… too too tired… busy week… not all good… but at least it ended well… by well i mean the last 2 social events were with good friends… last nite with a great friend and collaborator, and his lovely wife, and today with another friend who shares my love for food… i meant it [...]
14 nov 2009 – food rituals
Posted in fragility, hope, journal, senses, tagged pain, life, ulcers, food, TMJ, ritual, celebrate on November 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
TMJ again… seems to hv come back when i returned here… ah well… c’est ma vie!… still cld manage a nice tomato & mozarella toasty for lunch anyway, which is always good news… for those who hv never been plagued with mouth ulcers and TMJ at the same time, a simple thing like being able [...]
woof!
Posted in family, friendship, hope, journal, love, relationships, tagged blessing, contentment, family, friendship, happy, help, love, support on November 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
mindbloggingly gibberishy gobbledegoob like oooooooodles of noodles running amok inside one’s head unravelling completely with sounds of syllables that mean nothing and mean plenty at the same time… woof!
moving house is no joke at all… esp for an aspie… been obsessively drawing out and redrawing over and over again my plans… i laugh at myself, [...]
13 nov 2009 – smoking barrels
Posted in dichotomy, general, hope, journal, questions, society, tagged Asperger's, beauty, courage, creativity, honesty, hope, life, passion, perspective, rejection, resolution on November 13, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
yes, i kw, i ask the darnest questions… yes, i often put people in a spot… and yes yes yes, ppl r known to react negatively… but shd i even bother to try to be common, ordinary, unchallenging and bland?… not that there is anything intrinsically wrong abt being common, ordinary, unchallenging and bland, if [...]
11 nov 2009 – overload!
Posted in fatigue, friendship, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged love, talent, music, art, relationships, friendship, friend, lie, sensory overload on November 11, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
beautiful clear skies today… what a day to forget my handy carry camera! urrrgh!… i cld see the blue of the sky contrasting against white white fluffy clouds – this IS a rare sight where i live now, with the constant pollution problem escalating by the minute… anyway, i was savouring every visual moment as [...]
warning
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, love, tagged beauty, pain, poetry, words, deceit, Veronica on November 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
beauty so amazing
awakening dreams
into searing nightmares
engulfing embrace
insidious tenderness
sucking the very life of light
spat far askance
into the black hole of despair
“beware” she whispered
mournful testimony
truth that resonates
so strong
but only to the hearing
and thus the angel lives
to tell the tale
as shall the fallen
alike
with her
——————–
i thought of veronica today… actually i think of her quite often… she is very special… [...]
human pufferfish
Posted in friendship, general, questions, relationships, society, tagged art, Asperger's, friendship, help, honesty, life, music, perspective, pride, relationships on November 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
been musing on the phenomenon of the human pufferfish lately… aka ppl who, because of some deep seated insecurity or other, ‘inflate’ themselves in order to appear somehow more superior than they really are or than they feel they are… all because they are afraid of looking ’small’, wanting to impress other fish and / [...]
01 nov 2009 – layers
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, general, hope, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, pain, strength, truth, courage, resolution, honesty, Asperger's, emotion, relationships, tired, friendship, friend, lie, deceit on November 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
sometimes i do indeed detest being me – those are times when i love too deep, fall too hard, break apart, struggle with physical handicaps etc… i do not really want the fragility do i? why? because i see that the world seems to belong to the strong, hardhearted and shallow…
but other times, when i [...]
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