“she probably thinks you are insane”… “she has disappeared because of what u said to her”… small little hints, and by now, i ‘understand’ human communication enough to pick up from these words a message of blame… that being different so markedly is somehow deemed ‘wrong’… and that telling the truth to people whom i [...]
Archive for October, 2009
31 oct 2009 – a different beat
Posted in dichotomy, family, friendship, general, journal, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged truth, life, love, woman, honesty, support, Asperger's, man, emotion, relationships, friendship, friend, lie, dance on October 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
26 oct 2009 – truth or dare
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, life & death, questions, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, truth, fear, courage, silent scream, honesty, Asperger's, fatigue, tired on October 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
tell the truth or perform a dare?… sometimes life really is a game… a game which i barely understand, and which i m now very very tired of trying to play…
the trouble with asperger’s is that i KNOW i m different, but i m helpless to change this difference… and behcet’s really doesnt help, does [...]
25 oct 2009 – broken body
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, senses, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, pain, truth, life, perspective, suffering, Asperger's, painkillers, arthritis, headache, stress, ulcers, fatigue, tired, lie on October 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
i m reminded abt the broken body i live in all the time… little things that nobody will ever know, just by looking at me… do i deliberately ‘hide’ things? lie?… once he accused me of this… but i hv been accused of many things before, and i guess i oughta get used to it… [...]
19 oct 2009 – back in the desert
Posted in family, fatigue, fragility, general, journal, tagged arthritis, Behcet's Syndrome, body, courage, fatigue, tired on October 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
back in the desert… spartan living… cold reality of life alone… tho i kw i m never completely alone… i also kw i HAVE to do this last leg of this particular part of the journey as best as i can…
went to view a few apartments in a different area of town yesterday and had [...]
12 oct 2009 – chugging along
Posted in fatigue, general, hope, journal, tagged arthritis, Asperger's, Behcet's Syndrome, body, fatigue, pain, perspective, strength, ulcers, vertigo on October 12, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
wonder how many ppl with asperger’s also suffer from behcet’s? … just another aspie musing, i guess… i notice i hv been generally free from the painful TMJ symptoms this entire summer… yippee! small blessings are very big things really, especially when these help to alleviate pain…
chugging along… fatigue is a constant companion… but always [...]
10 oct 2009 – buried not dead
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, journal, love, questions, relationships, tagged pain, love, woman, man, marriage, relationships, heartbreak, hope, irony, healing, grief on October 10, 2009 | 2 Comments »
they say time heals… but nay, time does not heal… time merely buries… and wounds of pain and grief lie deep underneath the rubble of what begins as a shattering calamity but which slowly settles with time, and soon, nobody notices anymore…
yes, life goes on, above the settled debris, a new landscape springs forth… but [...]
05 sep 2009 – summer’s end
Posted in hope, journal, tagged courage, dreams, emotion, hope, life, resolution, strength on October 5, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
here we r, at summer’s end… already… i dont wanna move on, but there are things waiting for me over there…
packing and repacking today… more than 3 months already, i dont kw what’s happened to my apartment… and strangely, i dont really care… but return i must… to finish what i started to do… and i [...]
1 oct 2009 – no respite?
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, questions, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, fatigue, headache, illness, nausea, pain, painkillers, tired, ulcers, vertigo on October 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
is there no respite from behcet’s, i often wonder… ?… ulcers in throat hv been fierce, and the tongue swollen with strategic one near the base… eating is uncomfortable but thank god i love my food! … had a bad tummy all night… as if anyone wants to hear abt this?… mild fever this morning [...]
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