dear little swallow,
where r u now? i hv not heard from u for some time… but i kw u must be on some ‘alone’ trip off in some countryside somewhere?…
i just want to tell u that i m thinking of u again right now… and thank u for being such a wonderful friend to me… u [...]
Archive for August, 2009
dear little swallow
Posted in friendship, hope, love, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, friend, friendship, help, honesty, life, love, man, pain, relationships, resolution, support, swallow, truth, woman on August 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
vincent – genius at what price?
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, life & death, love, senses, society, tagged creativity, life, child, love, music, art, spirit, video, depression, suicide, Vincent van Gogh, painting, Garden of Flowers, Asperger's Syndrome and high achievement, Starry Night, Don McLean, Vincent on August 31, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
vincent van gogh – “Garden of Flowers” 1888 sold for USD8.4million… if only he were alive to see that… but in his lifetime, he only managed to sell just 1 painting… what price genius?…
i saw prints of his paintings in a picture book as a young child… i was immediately drawn to this man… and [...]
i m not rain man or spock
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, friendship, general, love, questions, relationships, sexuality, society, tagged beauty, pain, passion, perspective, love, woman, Autism, silent scream, suffering, Asperger's, man, emotion, relationships, friendship, Rain Man, Spock, Star Trek, Mozart and the Whale, If You Could Say It In Words, movie, female asperger's on August 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
obsessive… odd… in ur own world… all very fine, if u r male and interested in rocket science or something tt media and hype has overdone and over stereotyped – like spock in star trek etc… these r seen as acceptable freaks, kinda cute and yep, listen up, some women find them attractive!
but be female [...]
30 aug 2009 – rain
Posted in fatigue, fragility, hope, journal, love, questions, relationships, senses, society, tagged burnt bridges, depression, friendship, honesty, hope, illness, life, nausea, nightmare, pain, resolution, silent scream, skank, sound, stemetil, storm, vertigo, water on August 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
rainy day… no lightning… just pitter patter of steady heavy rain… splattering on the awning, wetting the patio floor… i can see reflections on the dark brown wooden planks… rain bouncing on the surface of the pool like dancing water nymphs…
nightmares last night… restless sleep… vertigo and nausea this morning… ok time for stemetil… oh [...]
burnt bridges
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged beauty, pain, truth, life, perspective, mind, love, Autism, honesty, Asperger's, emotion, relationships, tired, friendship, friend, loneliness, nightmare, lie, obsession, torment, threaten, blackmail, demand, swallow, burnt bridges on August 30, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
it’s almost 3 am in the morning…
i hv told the truth at last…
i kw i hv burnt all bridges…
but i just cannot live with the agonising pressure of keeping this lie…
2 years of my life inside a waking nightmare…
i became an insane crazed monster, obsessively pursuing the ‘truth’ behind the bizarre complicated happenings…
made invisible in [...]
swallow
Posted in fragility, friendship, hope, life & death, love, relationships, senses, tagged Asperger's, beauty, friend, friendship, help, hope, life, love, man, music, relationships, simple, sunshine, support, swallow, truth, water, woman on August 29, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
a little swallow came by this morning, as i was swimming in the pool, and lightly dipped in and out, as if in greeting… sharing the sunlight and the cool water… i watched it fly away, up into the azure blue sky, then away beyond my vision… and i thought of u… that beautiful little [...]
move on
Posted in fragility, friendship, hope, love, relationships, tagged acceptance, accusation, comfort, condemnation, healing, heartbreak, hope, life, pain, trust on August 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
i want to move on
i want to heal at last
i want to forget the pain
i want to leave the past
sweetness for bitter
silk threads for hemp
acceptance for rejection
no longer condemned
i will keep loving
i will forgive
i will let go
i will live
joy for mourning
laughter for tears
assurance for mockery
no more taunting jeers
i will keep hoping
i will be true
whatever u [...]
28 aug 2009 – fatigue
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, friendship, hope, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, pain, truth, child, perspective, mind, soul, woman, Autism, silent scream, help, honesty, Asperger's, man, emotion, sensitivity, stress, isolation, fatigue, tired, storm, friendship, friend, autoimmune, trust, misunderstand, sunshine on August 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
rained all night, no lightning or thunder, just a gentle steady rain… cool day, but i miss the sunshine… didnt swim – woke up too tired… and a million and one things to do…
fatigue… mental, emotional and physical…
having behcet’s is tiring enough … having asperger’s AND behcet’s is quite a special combi for sure!… behcet’s [...]
demand, threaten & blackmail…
Posted in fatigue, fragility, friendship, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged pain, truth, love, silent scream, Asperger's, relating, relationships, heartbreak, friendship, lie, threaten, blackmail, demand on August 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
u used the words “demanding”, “threaten” and “blackmail” on me… i m haunted by them ringing inside my mind…
actually, i m not the one demanding – u are… i m only reacting to ur demands..
u demanded tt i pretend i dont kw u, keep silent and be invisible, while ur skank accosted me and tormented [...]
obsessive, but not OCD
Posted in dichotomy, friendship, general, hope, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged truth, perspective, Asperger's, obsession, persistence, OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder on August 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
he asked me once if i hv OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)? well i know for sure i do not… but i also understand how he cld hv misunderstood…
click here to see my post on this in spunkykitty abt OCD and ASD
i kw, he thought my 2 years of persistent reaching out, trying, asking endless questions [...]
27 aug 2009 – sunnyside up
Posted in friendship, hope, journal, love, relationships, senses, society, tagged Asperger's, freedom, friendship, good bye, help, hope, lie, love, obsession, persistence, perspective, relating, sunshine, truth on August 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
woke up tired from crazy dreams, but no crying… at long last, no tears…
the ulcers r fierce… started yesterday… maybe something i ate combined with residual stress… my right knee did a little backtrack and it hurts a bit more again… frustrating… sometimes i wonder if i ever will be free of pain… ah but [...]
missed irony
Posted in friendship, questions, relationships, society, tagged questions, lie, deceit, irony, threaten, blackmail, answers on August 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
“demanding” / “threaten” / “blackmail” / “U ARE A TRUE TORMENTOR!”
i hv finally realised, after reading ur last 2 emails to me, that there is no way to make u see or understand what i hv been going on and on and on pleading for… after all i hv done, given, pleaded and explained, THIS [...]
manipulator or sewage rat?
Posted in friendship, love, relationships, society, tagged half truth, lie, life, manipulation, relationships on August 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
u say i accuse u of being a master manipulator? i guess u didnt understand a single word i said to u… not a single one in the last 2 years…
manipulator? nay, u dont even care enough abt anything or anyone to bother to manipulate… u just do as u please and lie and toss [...]
truth
Posted in friendship, life & death, love, questions, relationships, society, tagged Asperger's, deceit, freedom, good bye, hidden agenda, laugh, lie, naive, perspective, resolution, simple, truth on August 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
“the thing abt telling the truth is that it is open to anyone’s interpretation – and that is ok… cos i dont really care what pple decide to think of me after that… i dont need fans / supporters, nor do i care abt enemies / detractors…”
my final email to him…
why cant pp understand [...]
if u prick me, do i not bleed? – i want no revenge but i m not ashamed…
Posted in dichotomy, general, life & death, love, questions, society, tagged pain, truth, rejection, love, honesty, Asperger's, shame, friendship, lie, Shylock, William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice, torment, misunderstand, accusation, deceit, naked, condemnation on August 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
am i not human, just like u? if u prick me, do i not bleed? i hv always loved shylock in shakespeare’s the merchant of venice… perhaps becos i hv always felt a sense of social injustice, long before i learnt the word “asperger’s”… i first read the merchant of venice when i was 11 [...]
insects, men and damn good fucks
Posted in general, senses, sexuality, tagged Army Ants, humour, sex, skank, Tom Waits, video on August 23, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
“the female praying mantis devours the male while they are mating… the male sometimes continues copulating even after the female has bitten off his head”… (1:01 secs – 1:17secs)
so… i guess THIS is what he meant when he said to me abt his skank, “i don’t care what u say she is, i don’t care [...]
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