this spunkykitty dont feel so spunky these days… a build up of stressors in the last 2 years… and i thought the previous autoimmune kick was the culmination of it, and that i wld be on the mend soon… evidently the tsunami had a larger wave in store for me… that was just a precursor…
my right knee is now swollen to twice the size of my left knee… and the left is beginning to protest with signs of swelling due to fatigue from overuse… more than 2 weeks already… and before that the back to back flare up cycles of ulcers-jaw swelling-arthritis-vertigo-nausea-headache were a warning of worse things to come…
the university clinic has given me a referral and i’ve to go personally to the public hospital to make an appt for further consultation with the immunology dept… right, how m i to do so if i cannot even get out of my home????? and the hospital, being a public one, will probably give me an appt 2 months later IF i m lucky… otherwise… well… it wld be a long long wait… so my only option if i need immediate care is to go private, which means breaking my piggy bank… or just go back home for treatment, where the facilities r better and slightly (only slightly) less costly… private hospitals back home cost less than the same here, but public hospitals cost way more than here… so take my pick i guess…
i cant get home on my own in this state anyway… so i hv asked my beloved sister to come get me… fortunately it’s only a 3 and half hour flight… half a day’s journey in all…
and i DO feel blessed to hv friends who care… it has been my own quirky reticence not to ask for help that is all… asperger’s? maybe… but this morning, outa the blue, one gf sent me a message on my facebook wall asking how i m doing… and at last i told her the truth… well, so she is coming over with a walking stick that i badly need but dont kw where to buy it from (such things r not so conveniently available here compared to back home – the pharmacists dont stock them and u hv to go to a specialist shop far away in the boondocks… well far away from where i live anyway…)… and another gf who lives in the next block from mine will bring me chicken congee on her way home from work this evening… yesterday, she and her hubby brought me 2 packs of rice drink…
i need to find courage to get thru this… i came here for a purpose… and i must not allow this devastation to annihilate my desire to keep going… i must find a way to rebuild again… from out of the ashes, hv sometimes come true beauty… this is my tiny glowing ember among the debris… that somehow i can find back my own spunk again… i hv come this far despite all my mental, emotional and physical differences… the debilitating pain that has marked all my life must not now drive me to nothingness… i must go on…
