no vertigo all of yesterday – but extreme fatigue… didn’t do much, just some house cleaning long overdue… and preparing for my old friend’s arrival… he’ll be staying with me till he gets his own place… i don’t really like sharing my space, but i am looking forward to his staying over anyway… we’ve known [...]
Archive for September, 2008
29 sep 2008 – happy birthday, spunkykitty
Posted in family, friendship, hope, journal, love, tagged aging, Behcet's Syndrome, gratitude, humour, support, ulcers on September 29, 2008 | 2 Comments »
26 sep 2008 – adorno & beethoven
Posted in journal, life & death, tagged Glenn Gould, Ludwig van Beethoven, music, piano, sleep, Theodor Adorno, vertigo, video on September 26, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
slight vertigo today – must be reading too much last night… and a bit of a headache… didnt sleep much again, slept at 3am woke at 7am…. suddenly became drawn to Theodor Adorno’s writings on Beethoven… i don’t know why but there is something in the way he looks at Beethoven that suddenly struck a [...]
25 sep 2008 – storm’s over
Posted in fatigue, friendship, journal, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, fatigue, fever, food, illness, sleep, support, vertigo on September 25, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
storm’s over… and no vertigo today – yay!!!! may seem a trifle to others but getting up in the morning is quite an experience each day, never know what i will find… well, the sun was up and so was i, almost as early but not quite at 7am… tho i slept at 4am, i [...]
24 sep 2008 – stormy skies, calm eyes
Posted in hope, journal, tagged arthritis, Behcet's Syndrome, food, nausea, sleep, storm, tinnitus, vertigo, weather on September 24, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
it was incredibly beautiful, the typhoon last night… howling and whooshing outside… a spectacular aural treat… here’s a poem abt the storm by bunnyblu… “storm“…
but i saw on the news today the wreckage it left behind… especially in the poorer seaside villages… felt so so sorry and sad for the old folks whose homes were [...]
23 sep 2008 – storm
Posted in journal, senses, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, food, storm, ulcers, weather on September 23, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
typhoon signal 8 – safely ensconced inside my tiny flat, only signs of the storm are the sounds howling winds, occasional clatter of windblown debris and clattering window panes… i watched the news, it looks pretty fierce… ha! think i saw someone (whom i don’t particularly like) running in the rain wearing a particularly unglamorous [...]
23 sep 2008 – hey mr. tambourine man
Posted in fragility, journal, tagged Alban Berg Quartet, allergy, Bob Dylan, food, fugue, Ludwig van Beethoven, music, tambourine, vertigo, video, weather on September 23, 2008 | 2 Comments »
listening to early bob dylan… interspersed with late beethoven… umm no relation in my mind, just felt like listening to these two today…
woke up early this morning to a bleak sky, intense choking humidity hung in the atmosphere like an ominous blanket of warning… a storm ahead… yes they put up the typhoon signal 1 [...]
22 sep 2008 – slowly
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, courage, hope, illness, pain, patience, tired, vertigo on September 22, 2008 | 2 Comments »
slowly… tread slowly… inhale… slowly… and then exhale… slowly… savour…
horrible pain last night, but ulcers receded somewhat this morning… only mild vertigo throughout today… so tried to get out and do a million things that need doing but have been put off for way too long… or so i thought… ended up only achieving one [...]
spunk & nerve
Posted in fatigue, fragility, tagged fatigue, Igor Stravinsky, Julian Bream, music, pain, painkillers, sleep, strength, tired, video on September 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
an amusing video of a younger julian bream barging his way into a rehearsal and basically forcing himself on the great man Igor Stravinsky… ah, that is what i miss about being young… the spunk, nerve, verve and sheer brash energy… those were the days in my youth when painkillers worked wonders… [...]
21 sep 2008 – fatigue
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, fatigue, pain, painkillers, tired, ulcers, vertigo on September 21, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
fatigue from intense pain… mouth ulcers deepened into fierce pits of throbbing burning agony… eating was tough for last 2 days… and so so so tired…
what happened to the days when i cld pop a few painkillers and just go go go? no more… now, all i feel is fatigue, even with the painkillers… tried [...]
enough shit!
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, love, relationships, sexuality, society, tagged Asperger's, Autism, heartbreak, labels, love, man, pain, passion, relationships, sex, woman on September 19, 2008 | 5 Comments »
enough!… i am really tired… i shall opt out… trying to communicate is just so futile…
yeah, u kw, man meets woman, he thinks she is gorgeous, “sensationally beautiful” (haha how droll, ain’t it pathetic?), intelligent, witty, talented… whatever else the fuck… ah but woman is a strange one… an enigma… man becomes more and more [...]
19 sep 2008 – spinning
Posted in fragility, journal, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, doctor, headache, help, illness, ulcers, vertigo on September 19, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
yesterday’s foray out to the doc’s proved a disaster… the air pollution was so bad… i came home with a swollen throat, fever, more ulcers and difficulty breathing…
ah, but a kind friend bought me dinner and it was smashingly lovely to eat real food after days and days of plastic tinned food!!!!! which i had [...]
18 sep 2008 – ok let’s go
Posted in fatigue, fragility, journal, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, body, doctor, headache, mind, nausea, tinnitus, vertigo on September 18, 2008 | 1 Comment »
vertigo very much milder this morning, no swirling spinning sensation as i got outa bed… but the heat is really getting to me… been so hot and humid these few days… i hate the humidity…
couldn’t sleep much as usual… bed at 2am, wide awake at 6.30am, but aching all over so lazed in bed till [...]
a wonderful life
Posted in fragility, friendship, hope, journal, life & death, love, society, tagged art, arthritis, beauty, Behcet's Syndrome, body, books, child, courage, illness, life, love, man, marriage, money, music, pain, passion, sex, talent, woman, worth on September 18, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
many thoughts come to me while in the shower… perhaps because i love the water?… just now, in the shower, into my mind popped a few remarks made by various women i know, but unrelated to each other except by their chronological ages… we are all of about the same vintage – the grand 40s… [...]
17 sep 2008 – ringing
Posted in fatigue, friendship, hope, journal, love, relationships, tagged arthritis, Behcet's Syndrome, courage, dream, encouragement, help, nausea, strength, support, tinnitus, vertigo, worth on September 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
felt as if i was collapsing from exhaustion last night, but ironically could not sleep well… half-awake, restlessness, fitful dreams of cockroaches and bank notices… weird… woke up 6.30am unable to continue sleeping… but so so tired…
ringing in my ears… so bloody annoying, i keep hearing my own breathing so loudly trapped inside my ears… [...]
sneeze
Posted in fragility, tagged Behcet's Syndrome, illness, infection, poetry on September 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
a-tishoo, a-tishoo
excuse me please, a-tishoo
think i caught somethin’ nasty
last time i was with u
i shoulda known betta
seeing where ur at
planting seed, rolling weed
stray cats without hats
a-tisket, a-tasket
i really should forget
but my body betrays
blood in my head
dancing on the edge of a sword
Posted in dichotomy, fatigue, fragility, life & death, questions, tagged Asperger's, Autism, Behcet's Syndrome, courage, fear, frustration, pain, poetry, rest, suffering on September 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
how many more times
can i pick myself up
aching and bruised
from the floor
broken pieces
growing heavier
cold wind blowing
under my door
i’m not afraid
to die
death would be
welcome respite
i’m just so tired
singing and dancing
balanced precariously
on the edge of a sword
glass bubble Q&A: talent?
Posted in dichotomy, family, fatigue, fragility, tagged art, Behcet's Syndrome, body, books, compulsion, illness, music, nausea, passion, stress, talent, ulcers, vertigo on September 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
q: do u think u r really so talented?
a: no i don’t think i am really so talented… i just loved art, books and music… and i somehow couldn’t do anything else… though i tried… and i know, i am not a good musician at all… as i progressed to a more advanced level in piano, [...]
glass bubble Q&A: energy
Posted in dichotomy, fragility, friendship, general, hope, questions, senses, tagged art, Autism, beauty, Behcet's Syndrome, body, books, child, compulsion, creativity on September 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
i am in the mood to answer questions today… here are some questions which i hv been plagued with oh too too often, but which i never really answered in detailed honesty before…
q: if u r really so ill, how do u get the energy DO so much?
a: i cannot explain the inner forces inside, [...]
glass bubble Q&A: beauty, illness & marriage
Posted in dichotomy, family, fragility, friendship, love, questions, relationships, senses, sexuality, society, tagged Autism, beauty, Behcet's Syndrome, creativity, dream, isolation, man, marriage, passion, relationships, sensitivity, woman on September 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
q: u r still beautiful, look young, attractive, and so talented… why don’t u find someone to take care of u? lots of women who hv illnesses hv found good men, why can’t u? u r too picky perhaps? (yes this is so funny, so many of u keep asking me this!!!!!)
a: again, that pressure to [...]
glass bubble Q&A: dichotomy
Posted in dichotomy, questions, society, tagged beauty, Behcet's Syndrome, body, courage, illness, isolation, pain, painkillers, silent scream on September 16, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
q: if u r really ill, why do u seem so ok, or even better, as compared with ‘normal’ people?
a: because u r not there when i take those painkillers before attending a social event / classes / tea with u all etc, and u only see the glamorous photos in the magazines of me [...]
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